i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
worst night to have a conscience
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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