woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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