Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
