You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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