Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
