I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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