Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
