Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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