what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
