is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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