i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I need to calm my uterus...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
