6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
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Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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