I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
