and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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