Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Someone came in the potted fern
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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