In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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