we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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