Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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