his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
