i wish starbucks made bloody marys
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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