my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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