Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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