OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
