A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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