are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
