if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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