I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
