i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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