Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
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He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
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Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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