does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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