I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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