Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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