GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
