so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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