Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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