that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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