I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
