Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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