yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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