Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
