after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
