Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
