I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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