I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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