but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
