OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
