they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
