She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
