dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do