this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
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I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
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I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.