Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA

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(203): i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA http://tfl.nu/d77g

Replies (14) Good night (4730) Bad night (667)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?

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(617): so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic? http://tfl.nu/c421

Replies (60) Good night (1260) Bad night (6796)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...

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(501): So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike... http://tfl.nu/h9ar

Replies (10) Good night (1171) Bad night (3854)
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(303): View more from Colorado

We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down

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(303): We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down http://tfl.nu/easv

Replies (12) Good night (4276) Bad night (854)
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(815): View more from Illinois

im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine

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(815): im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine http://tfl.nu/4lyn

Replies (27) Good night (5803) Bad night (1140)
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(315): View more from New York

my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless

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(315): my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless http://tfl.nu/2wfy

Replies (8) Good night (3148) Bad night (1099)
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(239): View more from Florida

im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.

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(239): im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me. http://tfl.nu/81g0

Replies (12) Good night (1898) Bad night (921)
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(+61): View more from Australia

Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.

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(+61): Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you. http://tfl.nu/q4u2

Replies (13) Good night (2093) Bad night (532)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you

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(484): Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you http://tfl.nu/s4l7

Replies (4) Good night (715) Bad night (317)
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(519): View more from Ontario

Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.

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(519): Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth. http://tfl.nu/ne7c

Replies (5) Good night (665) Bad night (343)
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(925): View more from California

I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send

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(925): I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send http://tfl.nu/fpx2

Replies (5) Good night (769) Bad night (283)
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(713): View more from Texas

She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.

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(713): She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided. http://tfl.nu/l32x

Replies (1) Good night (752) Bad night (186)
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(708): View more from Illinois

For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.

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(708): For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does. http://tfl.nu/ctyd

Replies (2) Good night (401) Bad night (153)
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(970): View more from Colorado

You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.

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(970): You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock. http://tfl.nu/iwwh

Replies (2) Good night (817) Bad night (146)
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(905): View more from Ontario

downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.

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(905): downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade. http://tfl.nu/mls1

Replies (2) Good night (384) Bad night (107)

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