I hate all girls vehemently.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
