His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?