idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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