Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
