Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s