Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize