The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
