The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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