put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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