There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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