Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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