if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
