Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
