you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
