Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Randomize
