Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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