If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
