I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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