this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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