Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
