i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
