I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
