you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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