so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
