3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
