Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
