What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
