I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
