did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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