I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
