You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
