North Korea, Best Korea!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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