Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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