THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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