I'm jealous of your bromance
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
