How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
