i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
